The A-Z of Packing for a Work Trip: A Modern Woman’s Guide

Acceptance. You’re going to mess this up. Make peace with that.

Chaos. The only way to achieve greatness is through pure, unbridled chaos. Empty your wardrobe onto your bed. Upend your drawers. Pour the contents of your make-up bag into another, fancier make-up bag. Through the swirling madness, the truth will reveal itself.

Doubt. Is this outfit professional enough? Will three pairs of trousers be enough for a week? Does this blazer make me look like a tosser? Doubt your outfit choices. Doubt the weather. Doubt the amount of underwear you will need. Nothing is certain.

Eleven. This is the appropriate amount of underwear, no matter how long the trip.

Fear. Whatever you choose to shove into this suitcase will be your entire identity for the next week. It will be all you have to rely on. There is no going back once you’re 5 hours from home and realise you forgot to pack any tops. Understand this, and let the fear galvanize you.

Glasses. Professionals don’t squint.

Hope. Packing lists are the crutch of the coward. Throw ten to fifteen random garments into your suitcase and hope that coherent outfits will magically crystalize from the chaos.

Ironing. You don’t own an iron, but the hotel does. This is a great chance to get all your ironing done, so pack your most hideously crumpled clothes. Giving yourself chores whilst on the road will keep you grounded and make sure your mornings are even more panicked than usual.

Jacket. Yes, it’s dry and sunny right now, but you understand how the weather works, right?

Keep Cup. Soothe your concerns about the carbon footprint of your trip by demurely telling your barista ‘I’ve brought my own cup.’ They might even knock 30c off your drink.

Laptop. Dear god, don’t forget your laptop. Sure, you need it for work, but it’ll also be the only source of decent entertainment once you realise that the motel TV only shows The Chase.

Mess. Don’t worry too much about this one, it’ll happen naturally. I know, I know, your finally packed suitcase is a work of art with lovingly rolled bundles of clothes. I can guarantee, though, that 5 minutes after arriving at your destination, your opened suitcase will morph into a chaotic, sprawling mess that will slowly choke the floor space of your hotel room.

Bath Bomb. Your home doesn’t have a bath, but your hotel does. Even if it’s only 3 feet long, you are obliged to take full advantage of this rare treat.

Name badge. Yes, you will forget to take it off and end up browsing K-Mart with your name emblazoned on your tits.

Only eleven pairs of pants? Are you sure? Throw in another 5 pairs just in case.

Pants. You have 16 pairs of pants now. That’s probably plenty

Hmmmm, maybe just 2 more.

Quit. Ok, that’s an overreaction. Keep packing.

Reading Material. For some reason, you think that you’ll have a lot of down time and that you’ll want to spend that down time reading. Pack five to ten books, all of which will remain in your suitcase while you scroll your phone, or discover a love of The Chase.

Speaker. Morning news podcast. Music. White noise to sleep. God forbid you be left alone with your own thoughts.

Tampons. Joking, there’s no way you’ll remember these. Don’t worry, you can buy them while you’re on the road, thus adding another packet to the dozen or so half-empty packets you have at home.

Underwear. Ok, so you’ve packed 18 pairs now, but you can never be too safe. Pack all remaining pairs of underwear that you own.

Vibrator. Let’s be honest, you’ll be too tired to use it, but it’s nice to know it’s there.

Weight of Society’s Expectations of Women to be Put Together and Stylish, Whilst Also Demonising Them For Being ‘High Maintenance’ if They Give The Slightest Shit About How They Look, and Mocking Them When They Need Big Suitcases to Carry the Equipment Required to Achieve Said Stylishness. Try to fit this into a shoulder bag, if poss.

Xenophobia. You will be in a strange place with strange people. Be alert.

Your General Anxiety. The most trusty of travel companions.

Zero. The number of times you will nail this process.

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