James Laughlin – How To Be A Better Negotiator

James Laughlin is a high performance leadership strategist and executive coach based in Christchurch. A seven time world champion musician, he coaches elite teams and senior leaders, including work with Canterbury Rugby. He hosts the Lead On Purpose podcast and translates mindset science into practical leadership tools.

Ali Harper gives James a quick, warm handover and he wastes no time. “Negotiation starts before numbers,” he says. “The first move is trust, and trust begins with a story.” He calls the approach “shared story, shared strength,” and it becomes the spine of his talk. “When people feel seen, they actually hear you. Once they hear you, the metrics land.”

James goes first with his own story. “I grew up in Northern Ireland during the Troubles,” he says, “and I learned how dangerous simple stories can be.” His father was Protestant, his mother Catholic. For a while he carried the easy narrative of us and them until his mum’s quiet honesty cut through it. “Belonging matters,” he says. “The story you tell yourself about others decides how you treat them.” He ties that straight back to leadership and deal-making. “If I want to shift someone, I need to see them first.”

Then he flips a cliché. “Everyone is full of BS,” he grins, letting the room laugh before he defines it. “Belief systems.” We all carry scripts about money, status, gender, power, and what we deserve. “Those beliefs set your negotiation long before you open your mouth.” His invitation is blunt and useful. “Surface the script, test it, and swap it if you need to. Achieving begins with believing. You have already believed before you achieved in other parts of life. Bring that muscle to the table.”

Curiosity is his next lever. “The most interesting person in the room is usually the most interested.” He demonstrates with a string of clean, non-leading prompts that shift the tone of a conversation. “What would make this a win for you?” “What constraints are you working within?” “What would make this easy to say yes to?” Then the reminder: “Learn-it-all beats know-it-all.” He is not asking people to surrender their point of view, only to earn the right to express it by understanding the other side’s.

He lands the connection between performance and negotiation by talking about a headmaster who changed his life. “He was a possibilitarian,” James says, the word landing with a smile. As a kid, James fought too much and could have gone the wrong way. The principal walked into assembly with a bagpipe band and handed James a pair of sticks. “Channel it.” That channel grew into world titles in drumming and later into coaching teams that became world champions too. “Skill matters. Mindset matters. Heart set carries the day.” He draws the line directly to business. “If you want to be compelling, get clear on the lane where your strengths create disproportionate value, then negotiate from there.”

He keeps circling back to sequencing. “Connection first, then logic. Heart to heart, then head to head.” He tells a short client example. A founder started every enterprise sale with a deck of metrics and was getting stalled deals. James asked him to swap the opening slide for a two-minute story about a customer whose problem looked like the one in front of them. “Trust went up. Objections went down. The same numbers suddenly mattered more.”

James is clear that inspiration without systems fades by Monday. “Busy being busy always wins unless you write things down.” He shares a one-page planning template that locks story and belief into daily work. At the top are three priorities for the week. Under that, the three most important conversations to have. Then one belief you will upgrade this week, written as a sentence in the present tense. Finally, a short weekly review that asks what moved forward, what stalled, and what you learned. “Put it on paper. Return to it each morning. That is how you keep your story at the front of the negotiation.”

He takes aim at underpricing and invites a live experiment. “If you consistently underprice, test a bold reset,” he says. “State your value clearly to yourself first. If you do not believe it, no one else will.” He pairs that with a classic move. “Let the other side go first on price when you can. Information is leverage.” If a client asks for your rate, he suggests pivoting to outcomes and scope before anchoring a number. “Tell a short client story that links your work to a result they care about, then show the number through that lens.”

Then he zooms out to the table itself. “Who is missing?” he asks. If the decision room all looks and sounds the same, the pie usually stays small. “Invite different perspectives. More angles create more ways to say yes.” He talks about coaching leaders who added operators from different age groups and backgrounds to key conversations and watched the option set expand. “Diversity is not slogans. It is deal space.”

He threads a final loop back to belief. “Bring your belief up to the level of your ability,” he says. The room laughs at the phrasing, but he holds it. “So many of you have the ability already. Belief is the part that lags.” He points at the page again. “Write it down. One belief you will upgrade this week. Tie it to a specific negotiation. Review it daily. Belief grows when you see yourself keeping small promises in public.”

As he closes, he returns to the opener. “Negotiation is a relationship. Lead with a story that earns trust. Ask better questions. Stand in your strengths. Then the numbers will land the way they should.” It feels less like a trick and more like a standard. Story, belief, curiosity, clarity, and the discipline to make it visible in simple weekly habits.

Key takeaways you can use now

1. Start before numbers by earning trust with a short, real story that explains why the conversation matters.

2. Audit and upgrade your belief systems about money, value, status, and what you deserve, since belief frames every ask.

3. Use curiosity deliberately by asking clean questions that reveal desired outcomes, constraints, and easy-yes paths.

4. Negotiate from strengths by naming the lane where you create disproportionate value and anchoring your proposal there.

5. Sequence the conversation so connection comes first and logic follows, which increases the impact of your metrics.

6. Let the other side go first on price when possible to gather information and widen your negotiating range.

7. Reframe price through outcomes by pairing a brief client result with your number so the fee lives in context.

8. If you underprice, run a deliberate price reset and observe the effect on perception, confidence, and demand.

9. Build a one-page weekly plan that captures three priorities, three key conversations, one belief to upgrade, and a short review.

10. Design the table as well as the pitch by adding diverse voices that expand options and improve the deal space.

11. Practice “possibilitarian” thinking by listing three viable paths before constraints to change the room’s energy.

12. Share team stories so belief scales beyond the leader and the organisation can negotiate with one voice.

13. Debrief negotiations and systemise what worked so story, belief, and questions become repeatable operating habits.