A Fast No Is Sometimes the Kindest Answer
If there were an Olympic sport for politely following up proposals, I’d quietly fancy my chances of making the podium.
One of the more unexpected lessons I’ve learnt since starting my own consultancy is that some of the biggest projects I’ve ever “won” have never actually begun.
Most new opportunities arrive the same way. Someone has read an article, heard me speak or been referred by a mutual connection. We grab a coffee or jump on a Google Meet and spend an hour unpacking the challenges they’re facing, exploring ideas and imagining what success could look like. There’s energy in the conversation. We discuss budgets, timing and priorities. More often than not, they ask me to put together a proposal.
So I do.
A few days later, we’ll review the scope, make a couple of tweaks and agree on an investment. Occasionally, I’ll even hear those reassuring words every consultant enjoys hearing: “Looks great. Let’s do it.”
Then everything goes quiet.
A week later, I’ll send a friendly follow-up. Another fortnight passes and I’ll check in again. Eventually, those emails become less about progressing the opportunity and more about acknowledging the reality of it. “Ready when you are” is a phrase I’ve typed more times than I care to remember.
Over the past year, since stepping out and building my own consultancy, I’ve stopped taking that silence personally. Most of the time, the project is no longer under active consideration. The decision has already been made. Nobody has simply found a comfortable way to say it.
Ironically, I’ve never found an honest “no” particularly difficult to receive. In fact, I’d argue it’s one of the most respectful answers another business owner can give me. It’s the long, well-intentioned “maybe” that quietly causes the damage.
The more I’ve reflected on this pattern, the less I think it’s a sales issue and the more I think it’s a uniquely Kiwi one.
New Zealand has built a business culture that’s admired around the world. We value relationships over transactions, collaboration over confrontation and we’d almost always rather preserve goodwill than create unnecessary friction. Those qualities make this a fantastic place to build a business, and I hope we never lose them.
Like most strengths, however, they come with a shadow.
Many of us are deeply uncomfortable disappointing other people. Rather than saying, “We’ve decided not to proceed,” we soften the message into, “We’re just having a think.” Instead of explaining that priorities have changed, we promise to revisit the conversation next quarter. Sometimes we simply stop responding altogether, hoping the silence will communicate what we don’t quite have the courage to say ourselves.
It feels considerate. It feels polite. But all we’ve really done is transfer the uncertainty to someone else.
That’s the part I don’t think we talk about enough.
Every proposal sitting unanswered in someone’s inbox represents an investment that’s already been made. Hours have been spent understanding the brief, developing ideas and preparing recommendations. Capacity has been created. Other opportunities may have been delayed because this one looked promising. By the time the proposal reaches the client, the supplier has already invested something they’ll never recover: time.
We often think indecision is harmless because we’re the one making it. But uncertainty isn’t free. It simply transfers the cost to someone else.
The client still has complete flexibility. They can decide tomorrow, next month or not at all. Meanwhile, the small business on the other side continues carrying the opportunity in its pipeline, delaying other decisions, preserving capacity and wondering whether to keep waiting or move on. The silence feels almost weightless to one party, while quietly becoming increasingly expensive for the other.
In a country where around 97 per cent of businesses are small businesses, that cost matters. Small businesses don’t have large sales teams replenishing the pipeline every morning or layers of management absorbing delays. Every week spent waiting for a decision that’s never coming is a week that could have been invested pursuing another client, another opportunity or another idea.
The timing makes this even more relevant. Companies Office figures show there were 710 liquidator appointments in the June 2026 quarter, up nearly 5 per cent on the same quarter last year and almost 13 per cent on 2024. Company removals also remained elevated, with more than 9,600 businesses removed from the register over the same period. Businesses across New Zealand are working harder than ever for every dollar they earn. In an environment like this, certainty becomes a competitive advantage.
Interestingly, indecision is also one of business’s least discussed productivity killers. Research referenced by Harvard Business Review found that between 40 and 60 per cent of sales opportunities aren’t actually lost to competitors. They disappear because the customer never reaches a decision. Nobody wins. The supplier wastes valuable time pursuing work that will never happen, while the customer delays solving the very problem they were trying to fix in the first place.
I’ve often noticed the contrast after working on both sides of the Tasman. Australians can sometimes feel refreshingly direct. You generally know where you stand before you’ve finished your coffee. It isn’t always wrapped in pleasantries, but it allows everyone to move forward.
New Zealanders, by comparison, have become remarkably good at preserving the relationship by delaying the conversation. A mate of mine has the perfect description for it: “All hui and no dui.” It always makes me smile because we’ve all experienced it. Another meeting. Another coffee. Another follow-up. Plenty of activity, but very little progress.
This isn’t an argument for becoming more abrupt, nor is it a suggestion that we import Australia’s directness wholesale. Our warmth, humility and willingness to support one another remain some of our greatest strengths. But perhaps we’ve unintentionally confused kindness with ambiguity.
Real commercial kindness isn’t protecting another business owner from disappointment. It’s respecting their time enough to give them certainty.
A prompt “yes” allows someone to get started. A prompt “no” allows them to redirect their energy, pursue the next opportunity and keep building their business. Both outcomes create momentum. Only the endless “maybe” leaves everyone standing still.
We often talk about supporting small business by buying local, mentoring founders or celebrating entrepreneurship. All of those things matter. But there is another way every one of us can strengthen New Zealand’s business community, and it doesn’t cost a cent.
The next time a proposal lands in your inbox and you already know the answer, don’t mistake ambiguity for kindness. Respect the time, effort and optimism someone else has already invested, and give them the certainty they deserve.
Because uncertainty isn’t free. It simply transfers the cost to someone else.
And sometimes, the kindest thing you can say is simply, “No thanks.”